Finding your Way in the Labyrinth of Life

Paul Dolan defines happiness as 

"experiences of pleasure and purpose over the time".

The keywords of Prof. Happy’s definition are experiences and time as he advises to pay attention to living in the moment; i.e. instead of evaluating or comparing our lives to someone else’s or to our own expectations about it, just focus on finding the balance between pleasure and purpose in the present.

Apart from pleasure and purpose, you will encounter other emotions as well, such as pointlessness or pain – says Dolan. Negative feelings are also part of the big picture; so be ready and accept your unpleasant sentiments, as you experience these for a reason. Very often, negative emotions prepare you for something or make you avoid dangerous situations. However, be aware of the difference between necessary negative feelings (e.g. anger) or unnecessary ones, like self-doubt or limiting beliefs about yourself.

To be truly happy, you need to clear your mind, with regular physical exercise, mediation and practicing mindfulness every day.

image:Pinterest

Then, you must stop having expectations about your own happiness. Instead, just live in the moment and accept that life is not black and white. Start living the grey lifestyle; accept your failures and do not regret anything; finally dare to risk and challenge yourself often. You might fail but by focusing on having a good balance of pleasure and purpose in the moment, you will always be able to follow your true passion and be as happy as you should be.

If you need some more guidance in finding more happiness and exploring yourself and your dream-life, check out Caroline Zwick’s blog. She is another amazing expert on mindfulness and self-fulfillment. Her articles and videos have had a really beneficial effect on my transformation into the person who I really am. 

I have just started to discover my true passion in the last couple of years and I would like to share some of the "secrets" that I explored recently; to be as happy as possible, the following are really important:

• Knowing who you really are and what you want in your life
• Setting intentions
• Being positive
• Appreciation and Gratitude
• Living in the moment
• Being courageous; daring to risk and fail
• Trying new things often (especially things that you do not want to do at all)
• Balance between pleasure and purpose 

What would you read about in the next posts? Please share your suggestions in the comments below!

The 3D-Secret of Happiness

About six months ago I read a very well-written and positive review about  Paul Dolan's book called "Happiness by Design", so I decided to buy it. As I not only enjoyed reading the book but found it extremely useful as well, in this article I would like to share one of the many smart and easily applicable strategies that the writer introduces to the readers of this handbook about creating your happiness.

Paul Dolan says that we could be much happier if we paid more attention to the “Three Ds”; namely Decide, Design and Do. According to the author:

"Decide will help you answer whatever question it is you have about your happiness, design will make it easier to implement the answer, and do will ensure your attentional resources are running smoothly."

picture: http://www.designzzz.com/

As soon as you are inspired, take the time and effort to brainstorm a bit by doing some research, dreaming, meditation, etc. Simply, just let yourself go with the flow: read, draw, write, take pictures, ask questions, listen to music, exercise; do whatever makes you feel good and use your energy to create a bunch of ideas that you could use for finding your passion and purpose in life.

Once you have plenty of plans, try to organise them and select one aim that you want reach first. Be specific, go into details and make a strong and determined decision; if you want, you can write down a similar sentence to yourself:

“I want to … by … (a date) in order to …”

Now, you need to plan or design the process that will lead to the successful and efficient completion of the task. Ask yourself what you can do today, tomorrow, next week or next month to reach your goal. Write down the steps that you want to take in order to carry on with your project. If you think that you need some help, do not hesitate to contact other people who can help you realise your dreams. 

Finally, just do it! Take actions to your aim every day. Create new habits, certain routines that make you work towards your goal regularly. Start small, do not overwhelm yourself with too difficult tasks or extreme changes in your lifestyle. Be realistic but do not give upon your dreams for a minute!

Finding your Rhythm

It happened many times in my life that I really struggled with making choices and my things were not quiet right at all. I strongly felt that I needed to change but didn't know what and how to start at all. What is more, whenever I arrived to a major crossroad, and actually had to decide about something , I became confused, started to panic and worried about the consequences of making “wrong” decisions. I already envisioned myself living an unsuccessful life, suffering, making mistakes and failing continuously, thus I really did all of these. Due to my ego, my heart and head was filled up with fears and negative feelings and I just became my own worst enemy. I did not know that I can control my thoughts and am able to choose not to listen to those vicious voices in my head.

It was not until three years ago when my approach to life changed dramatically; I slowly started a kind of awakening that is still in progress. Today, I still have lots of questions and am confused many times but the difference is that I know where to look for the answers. I really enjoy this whole process of creating myself. Finally, I managed to accept my weaknesses but turned to developing my strengths. I already know that I can make better choices by listening to my calling instead of my ego. By simply loving your life with all its positive aspects and downsides you can also start this beautiful journey to find your rhythm, your true self.

First of all, you better drop everything that you feel to be superfluous or unnecessary in your life. I mean literally everything that you think it does not belong to you anymore. Clothes or accessories and any other objects in your home, which do not reflect your personality and might disconnect you from your real self. You might want to change your hairstyle or try wearing completely different kinds of clothes or make-up, something that mirrors who you really are. In my case, one major event that helped me to approach my true self was when I stopped dying my hair. The decision not to be blond anymore was due to an “incidental” fact that I temporarily became allergic to most cosmetic ingredients, so I did not even have any other choice; I had to let my hair grow and wear my natural color after a while. Interestingly, I realized that this color suits me well and does not look as awful at all as I believed it 10 years ago. Apart from things, you might want to say good bye to people who do not really add anything positive to your life. You definitely do not need toxic friends and energy vampires around you. Without friends that are not true to you, you will have to make less effort in order to find your happy self.

image: Pinterest

After you get rid of all the people and things that keep you behind, you can start focusing on doing things that you really enjoy. Now that you threw away all the unwanted objects and stopped seeing the vampires sucking your energy, you have enough space in your home and life to focus on your calling. Try to make some quiet time regularly so that you can listen to yourself. Do things that you love and shortly your questions will be answered. You will simply start making better choices by focusing on seeing who you are and what you really like. Crossroads and decisions will not be major threats in your life any more. You will also understand that you can ignore your ego’s nasty and critical messages and you will learn to turn the volume up when you hear positive and happy thoughts. Brilliant ideas will come and being in the flow will naturally involve moving you forward in discovering yourself. Slowing down and spending time alone does not mean that you are becoming antisocial. Simply, there is too much noise around us and in order to be connected with our rhythm, we need to have some silence from time to time. While you are becoming the person who you really are, you are going to attract likeminded people whose presence and company will fill you up with healthy and positive energy. What else would you need?

Similarly to working out, in case of mindful exercising, you will need to be patient and hardworking. After questioning your abilities, practicing self-doubt and being your own enemy on a daily basis for many-many years, results and positive changes will not come after doing a little meditation or some journaling once or twice. You will have to change your lifestyle, slowly incorporating your calling’s messages into your reality. Make one small and easy step every day to finally create yourself. After solitude and focusing to your inner side becomes a habit, you will notice the changes happening in your life every day.  You will clearly know what your calling is and will automatically go for “MUST”instead of “SHOULD”. Should is all about fears, worries and negative feelings or thoughts; it just keeps you behind. By going for “MUST” you listen to your heart, to the good voices inside your head and do automatically what is best for you.

The spiritual journey of discovering yourself possibly will last until the end of your life, so you better make sure that you enjoy this challenging but wonderful process. Focus on the big picture and get rid of all the fears, worries and unnecessary details that make you stuck in a life that does not belong to you. Surround yourself with positive, supporting and likeminded people but spend some time alone with your thoughts to be able to hear your calling. Finally, choose “must” over “should” in order to feel the rhythm of the person who you really are. Why would you live your life off-track if by doing some extra work you could become your happy and healthy TRUE self? 

Why you do not Have to Fight Insecurity?

Insecurity is a natural human feeling and is there in everyone in order to protect us from REAL danger. Danger is real when your life is literally threatened by someone or something. For example, you are in the street in the middle of the night and have a feeling that someone is chasing you. Suddenly, you become worried and try to figure out what to do. Your heartbeat and breath starts quickening and you speed up your steps as much as you can, in order to save your own life. You can experience very similar bodily responses and worrying thoughts in case of a difficult exam, e.g.: you don’t feel very confident because you think that you have not prepared properly and are afraid of unexpected questions and not being able to pass the test. You also have some bad memories of other exams in the past that you failed. As a consequence, you are getting more and more anxious, nervous and feel very insecure. Simply, you do not believe in your ability to succeed. In this case, it is obvious that your life is safe, yet some nasty psychological barriers are blocking the free flow of your positive thoughts. You doubt your skills and strongly believe that you will fail. Thus, you will.

It is not surprising that with your negative thoughts you invite negative results, is it? Due to your false beliefs, you already see yourself not passing the exam. However, envisioning the positive outcome of some future events can result in your success! Instead of doubting your skills, why do not you support yourself? Good news is that with some preparation and practice you can easily handle any stressful situation without feeling insecure and your success is guaranteed.

You only need to do ONE thing: PLAN!

picture: Pinterest

Let’s continue the example of the difficult exam: you already know the date of the exam well in advance, so you know how much time you have got to study. Prioritize your chores and make a plan! Divide the course material into various segments and decide how much time you would need daily in order to acquire all the knowledge necessary for succeeding. You can also add some other activities to your daily routine, such as making and having some healthy and nutritious food and doing some workout and/or meditation as a reward for doing your job well. Celebrate a little bit after having fulfilled a certain part of your lessons. Also, make sure that you start studying when your motivation is high. Starting with small and easy steps can be really beneficial. Similarly, if your study-amounts are not overwhelming and can be easily learned during the time-periods that you set up for yourself, your success is sure. Just make a detailed plan including everything that is important in your life.

So, you already have a study-plan, a strategy. In your breaks you do some other activities (exercising, meditation) just to clear up your mind. What else would you need?

Think positively and believe in your success while planning already!

Believing in yourself is not as easy as it sounds and similarly to the exam, it requires preparation. As most of us have been practicing negative thinking, such as self-doubt for many-many years, it will take time to change your worrying thoughts to supporting ones. However, thanks to your plan and preparation, soon insecurity will simply fade away; so you don’t even have to fight against it! Accept your present insecurity but set up a strategy to change your way of thinking. Focus on your talents and strengths and remember that just because you failed an exam last time, you can pass another one this time, as now you are well-prepared.

With the help of positive thinking, preparation and practice you do not have to spend time and energy with fighting your fears or trying to beat insecurity. Setting up small, realistic goals, along with your individual strategy will surely result in success. All you need to do is changing your thinking habits. Prepare and believe in the positive outcomes of your actions. There is no real danger, no negative thoughts, thus, there is no insecurity! It is so easy with planning and gradual preparation. You do not have to fight. Just discover and accept your skills and make your unique, individual plan in order to realize what you are dreaming about.

Make a Habit of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is a habit and you can create it for yourself. It will take some time and you will have to practice it regularly until it becomes automatic and part of your everyday life but it is worth as it can really set you free and move you towards your real purpose. There are plenty of experiences, impressions and assumptions that usually influence your thoughts. Other people’s opinions, criticism, feedback from your supervisors, social expectations, media, etc. all affect the picture that you have in mind about yourself.

image: Pinterest

We all have beliefs; however beliefs are tricky because they are just psychological barriers and have nothing to do with reality. Our assumptions about ourselves are mostly based on other people’s reactions to our existence in the world. If you try to be objective with yourself and decide to test the beliefs that you have about your personality, skills or ability, you will see that your true self has not so much in common with that person who appears as “you” in front of your family, friends or colleagues. Remove the “noise” (negativity, fears, false beliefs, etc.) and try to examine your thoughts as if they were another person’s views about herself. It is hard to see yourself as an outsider but this way and with some time and practice it is possible to be positive and objective about yourself.

Fear and false assumptions distract you from being able to focus on the thoughts that can really move you forward. Change your inner dialogue and approve of yourself. Celebrate your results every day, no matter how small or big they are. Give some more support to yourself by letting negativity go. Practice positive thinking every day and create a new habit that will help you to see and enjoy the whole process called LIFE.

How will you start praciticing positive thinking?

Negative Push VS Positive Pull

I promised to introduce you to Caroline Zwick’s simple but effective method, the so called “Positive Pull”. Since I discovered that I have this tool (similarly to you) my life has started to change radically. It happened to me many times in my life that after a certain failure I was not able to overcome my negative feelings resulting from experiencing disappointment, self-doubt and dissatisfaction. I created thick walls out of my negative feelings and self- destructive thoughts, and closed myself into a small cabin of harmful spirits. Then, it took me for a good while to realize that all the beautiful things are waiting for me outside. I needed lots of willpower to remove the walls and get rid of the bad feelings that paralyzed me.

One day I found Caroline’s website and signed up to get the free handout about the Positive Pull. According to her, each and every one of us has this tool; we are just very likely to ignore our ability to create our own happiness. Due to the stressful modern lifestyle most of us are trying to escape from something, i. e. we are pushed by our negative feelings, we put ourselves under pressure. Let's examine my case: I was not happy with my job; I did not feel appreciated or useful and wanted some change and challenge. I started to work on my CV and look for a job. I was very enthusiastic, however had many bad feelings about my job at that time and doubted my abilities constantly. I put out lots of negative energy into the world and for this reason you can guess what did I get back? Awful experiences, plenty of unsuccessful job interviews, panic, sadness, depression… I wanted to change my job and my lifestyle but did not take the right decisions until I learned about the Positive Pull.

image: Pinterest

As soon as I started to think about the questions that you can find in Caroline’s free handout, I realized that instead of focusing on what I don’t like and want to avoid in my life, I should envision what I really want. I started to do mindful practices regularly and concentrated on things that I liked and wanted to attract. Slowly-slowly, my life has changed simply by imagining my happy and confident self. I rememebered what made me really happy in the past and started to practice creative writing, regular exercising, did more reading; I went to museums and parks and discovered the world around me. I just took a deep breath, started to think about what I like and ACTED accordingly. It sounds so simple but I know how hard it is when you are in a difficult situation and don’t see the wood for the trees.

I can strongly recommend you to sign up and get the free guide. As soon as you start thinking about the answers for the questions in the exercise sheet, you will see how easily and quickly you can change your way of thinking about your life and yourself. Once you create the Positive Pull, you will keep using it all the time. It is simple, easy and free.