About Fear of Success

Being afraid of success is much more common than you might think and can cause as much harm to you as fear of failure. Most people who are phobic about being successful are not aware of the fact that they are their own worst enemies. You might not have heard a lot about fear of success but are familiar with the following terms:

·        self-doubt

·        procrastination

·        self-destruction

All of these feelings and actions are related to fear of success; I will explain you how but first let’s clarify what does fear of success exactly mean. 

First, you need to know that your bodily responses to stress or anxiety, such as increased heart-beat, sweating and quickened breathing, are very similar to those that you experience when you are excited about a job-interview or being promoted. So, the physical symptoms that we produce when being bullied at school (a trauma) are the same that you have when you are enthusiastic about an exciting career-opportunity, for example. After having experienced enough traumas, we just do not want anything similar to happen, so we avoid situations that can involve similar consequences (physical symptoms, e.g.) to those that we faced when going through a trauma.

If you tend to question your skills or abilities when offered a promotion (“Do I really deserve this?”), are convinced of your own unworthiness (“I am a loser.”), often procrastinate when given a complex task the fulfillment of which can lead to professional or personal advancement (“How will I come up to other people’s expectations after having achieved this goal?”) or catch yourself sabotaging your development in your career or personal life (“I don’t want to take risks; I do not want to change.”), you want to avoid self-realization, namely you are afraid of success.

But why are some people afraid of success? How can you be anxious about something positive?

photo: Pinterest

The majority of people experiencing fear of success in their lives is unaware of having this problem as the feeling is unconscious and the reasons behind it could be traced back to the childhood. Similarly to having been bullied at school, you experienced a trauma when your parents had never been satisfied with your achievements or had been doubting your abilities constantly. In this case, you are very likely to practice regular self-doubt and will question your adequacy in your adulthood. Simply, due to some negative experiences in your early years related to opinions about your own capabilities (=not being pretty or smart enough, e.g.) you have false beliefs about yourself and are constantly doubting your skills or talents. Besides not believing in yourself and listening to the voices of self-doubt, you do not want to experience more traumas; hence you tend to avoid situations that can lead to change or anything unexpected.

“If someone is used to feeling bad, feeling good is hard or impossible."                                                                                                             David Krueger

The road to success is risky, hazardous and full of surprises. Some people are afraid of risks and greater responsibility that may come with being successful. Another reason for being scarred of reaching your personal best is being different, therefore not being accepted by others. Being extraordinary can make other people feel jealous and those who want to live up to others’ expectations do not want to experience this; they just want to fit in, not provoking any (either negative or positive) feelings.

Avoiding opportunities that can result in achieving your best involves preventing yourself from what you really want. You are procrastinating, doubting your abilities and destroying yourself in order not to succeed; you are stopping yourself from moving forward in life. Very often people, who are afraid of success, do succeed, however very slowly and they pay the price emotionally and mentally. Practicing self-loathing and self-sabotaging for years need plenty of time, patience and mindfulness to be turned to the reverse. Yet, it is possible to have a healthy relationship with success. First of all, accept your anxiety about achieving something great. It is okay to be nervous when facing new challenges. Second, differentiate between the very similar bodily responses to stress and excitement. Finally, apply mindfulness (e.g. meditation, journaling, etc.) regularly and practice self-love.

Sources:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/

http://money.cnn.com/ (Fortune Magazine, July 8, 1996)

Scarred of Difficult? Try Easy!

What is the connection between small details and great progress? You will see in a minute. You might have realized that whenever you really want to achieve something (=you are extremely motivated to get a certain thing) you can be very creative and are able to come up with several plans in order to realize your dream. Your goal can be either big or small; it does not really matter whether we are talking about losing weight, getting your dream-bag or dream-job. Due to your increased level of motivation, you are enthusiastic and pro-active: you are working on your little project whenever you can; you try to do everything to get what you want.

It is important to catch yourself as soon as you are the most motivated because then you can really work hard and you can save energy and willpower for times when you are not so enthusiastic or are a bit down. For this reason, it is ideal to separate your big aim into small steps. It is always better to start with small and easy because you are more likely to be successful if you have a realistic and achievable mini-project. For example, if I want to lose a significant amount of weight and decide to reach my dream-body in a month’s time with working out 5 times a week and being on a strict diet, I am very likely to give up the whole plan after two weeks because it is simply extremely hard. Especially, if I did not exercise for years and was eating junk food for a while, it is not possible to change my whole lifestyle in one month.

If you want to change something, you need to come up with a detailed plan. Either we talk about losing weight or getting a good job where you can feel useful and appreciated, it always helps if you sit down and think about the followings:

• What do you don’t like in your life and why?
• What do you want to change and why?
• What do you want to achieve and why?

Take a nice notebook and your favourite pen and write down your answers to these questions. You will see, how much a little journaling and self-analysis can help in defining your aims. Break your big plan into small increments and list all the steps that are necessary to reach your goal. It is much easier to focus on small and easy tasks and you are more likely to repeat the steps every day. You are not going to give up exercising or studying after few weeks if you aim to fulfil small and easy challenges. The secret is to do regularly what you planned. If you repeat the steps often, they will become automatisms very quickly and you will not have to use your willpower for these as they are habits already. All the small steps will lead to a huge success in the end. You will be very happy whenever you manage to do what you planned. If you make an exercise-plan, for example, every Sunday, you can easily prioritize and organize your other responsibilities for the whole week. A useful hint: always start as soon as possible because early in the week you are less tired and you are more motivated. As you start using your willpower for duties that you have to do but do not really want to, your level of motivation will decrease and you are more likely to feel too exhausted to exercise or study, e.g.

picture: Garance Doré

So, take a moment to think about your life, decide in what areas you want to change and make a plan. Then separate your big goal into small and easy bits that you can repeat as often as possible. Also, reward yourself and practice self-appreciation! You can be really proud of yourself! You did that 15-min training, wrote the planned 10 pages or read those 5 chapters. Be objective and do not come up whit things that you should have done according to you. Every beginning is a new chance to succeed. It is as good to be a beginner as nice it feels when you achieve your goal. Do not feel ashamed of being a beginner or being fat, slow or unorganized. Guilt and other negative feelings will not help your progress. Be positive and do small and easy tasks regularly. Soon, you will be happy, satisfied and successful.

based on Maria Brilaki’s book: Surprisingly unstuck 

What is the Reason Behind your Failures and Unsuccessful Efforts?

Referring to the previous post, I would like to encourage you to check out Maria Brilaki’s website and watch her video about the power of your thoughts, especially your inner dialogue’s effect on your achievements.

You might have experienced in your life either getting wrong or just few results or not getting results at all. I guess that you have. I honestly have never ever met anyone who has not made any mistakes or wrong decisions in their lives. Although it is really difficult to be objective with yourself when you are in the middle of a crisis, it could be extremely helpful if you tried to support yourself and change the way how you think about your (under)achievements. In the video, Maria suggests to analyze your inner dialogue preceding your decision to take certain actions that lead to failure afterwards.

“If you get bad results, it is because you did not believe in the first place that you can get good results”- says Maria.

If you are practicing self-doubt and are questioning your own success, you waste lots of energy and are not fully focused and committed to achieving your goals. If you change your way of thinking and truly believe that you can get what you want, you are more likely to develop and succeed in the end. This is because you are triggered by the so called “PositivePull”, namely you are not escaping from something negative that you want to avoid; it is exactly the opposite: you are motivated by your self-supporting, positive attitude towards yourself and others. Whenever you enter this circle of your own positive thoughts, you are in the flow and wonderful things will happen!

photo: Pinterest

Before you decide to change or do something, you need to be confident and committed; you need to believe that your actions will lead to success. If you want to live a healthier life, for example, you decide to exercise regularly and eat fresh, healthy and clean food. It sounds so simple, however so many of us have been yo-yoing and giving up diets and sports after a while. The reason why you have not been able to keep doing what you decided to do is that you did not believe that you would be able not to give up your dreams. If you are really focused before you start taking any actions, you are not second-guessing yourself. You are 100% committed to and positive about getting what you want. It can be a healthier and better-looking body or your dream job. If you are insecure and do not believe that you can get a certain job, you are more likely to fail in the interview; simply because you had negative thoughts about yourself and were convinced that you are not qualified or suitable for that position. Maria’s message in this video is the following: 

“You need to believe that you can achieve anything but you need to believe it BEFORE you get it.”

Soon, I am going to introduce you to Caroline Zwick’s really effective method and we will learn how to practice the Positive Pull.