Finding your Way in the Labyrinth of Life

Paul Dolan defines happiness as 

"experiences of pleasure and purpose over the time".

The keywords of Prof. Happy’s definition are experiences and time as he advises to pay attention to living in the moment; i.e. instead of evaluating or comparing our lives to someone else’s or to our own expectations about it, just focus on finding the balance between pleasure and purpose in the present.

Apart from pleasure and purpose, you will encounter other emotions as well, such as pointlessness or pain – says Dolan. Negative feelings are also part of the big picture; so be ready and accept your unpleasant sentiments, as you experience these for a reason. Very often, negative emotions prepare you for something or make you avoid dangerous situations. However, be aware of the difference between necessary negative feelings (e.g. anger) or unnecessary ones, like self-doubt or limiting beliefs about yourself.

To be truly happy, you need to clear your mind, with regular physical exercise, mediation and practicing mindfulness every day.

image:Pinterest

Then, you must stop having expectations about your own happiness. Instead, just live in the moment and accept that life is not black and white. Start living the grey lifestyle; accept your failures and do not regret anything; finally dare to risk and challenge yourself often. You might fail but by focusing on having a good balance of pleasure and purpose in the moment, you will always be able to follow your true passion and be as happy as you should be.

If you need some more guidance in finding more happiness and exploring yourself and your dream-life, check out Caroline Zwick’s blog. She is another amazing expert on mindfulness and self-fulfillment. Her articles and videos have had a really beneficial effect on my transformation into the person who I really am. 

I have just started to discover my true passion in the last couple of years and I would like to share some of the "secrets" that I explored recently; to be as happy as possible, the following are really important:

• Knowing who you really are and what you want in your life
• Setting intentions
• Being positive
• Appreciation and Gratitude
• Living in the moment
• Being courageous; daring to risk and fail
• Trying new things often (especially things that you do not want to do at all)
• Balance between pleasure and purpose 

What would you read about in the next posts? Please share your suggestions in the comments below!

Silk Skirt (1)

picture: Pinterest

Fresh, light and sweet spring air came into her bedroom when she opened the windows. She suddenly felt happy and energetic. The gentle breeze lifted up the white lace curtains and the room was now filled with good energy. Her mood now reflected only positive thoughts and feelings. After months of darkness, she finally experienced the light; she felt easy, content and motivated.

She closed her eyes and started to visualise beautiful things: she saw the secret garden; the white, yellow and purple crocus appearing early spring time; the rare off-white daffodils in the corner, in front of the evergreen bushes. Then, she was looking at the tiny, brown, dotty birds dancing around the little pond. She wished she could just get up and walk into the garden and see whether anything had changed at all.

She took a deep breath, held it for few seconds. Then, she exhaled, panting loudly for a long time. She repeated the practice several times, until finally she felt relieved as she let go all the problems through her nostrils.

--to be continued--

About Fear of Success

Being afraid of success is much more common than you might think and can cause as much harm to you as fear of failure. Most people who are phobic about being successful are not aware of the fact that they are their own worst enemies. You might not have heard a lot about fear of success but are familiar with the following terms:

·        self-doubt

·        procrastination

·        self-destruction

All of these feelings and actions are related to fear of success; I will explain you how but first let’s clarify what does fear of success exactly mean. 

First, you need to know that your bodily responses to stress or anxiety, such as increased heart-beat, sweating and quickened breathing, are very similar to those that you experience when you are excited about a job-interview or being promoted. So, the physical symptoms that we produce when being bullied at school (a trauma) are the same that you have when you are enthusiastic about an exciting career-opportunity, for example. After having experienced enough traumas, we just do not want anything similar to happen, so we avoid situations that can involve similar consequences (physical symptoms, e.g.) to those that we faced when going through a trauma.

If you tend to question your skills or abilities when offered a promotion (“Do I really deserve this?”), are convinced of your own unworthiness (“I am a loser.”), often procrastinate when given a complex task the fulfillment of which can lead to professional or personal advancement (“How will I come up to other people’s expectations after having achieved this goal?”) or catch yourself sabotaging your development in your career or personal life (“I don’t want to take risks; I do not want to change.”), you want to avoid self-realization, namely you are afraid of success.

But why are some people afraid of success? How can you be anxious about something positive?

photo: Pinterest

The majority of people experiencing fear of success in their lives is unaware of having this problem as the feeling is unconscious and the reasons behind it could be traced back to the childhood. Similarly to having been bullied at school, you experienced a trauma when your parents had never been satisfied with your achievements or had been doubting your abilities constantly. In this case, you are very likely to practice regular self-doubt and will question your adequacy in your adulthood. Simply, due to some negative experiences in your early years related to opinions about your own capabilities (=not being pretty or smart enough, e.g.) you have false beliefs about yourself and are constantly doubting your skills or talents. Besides not believing in yourself and listening to the voices of self-doubt, you do not want to experience more traumas; hence you tend to avoid situations that can lead to change or anything unexpected.

“If someone is used to feeling bad, feeling good is hard or impossible."                                                                                                             David Krueger

The road to success is risky, hazardous and full of surprises. Some people are afraid of risks and greater responsibility that may come with being successful. Another reason for being scarred of reaching your personal best is being different, therefore not being accepted by others. Being extraordinary can make other people feel jealous and those who want to live up to others’ expectations do not want to experience this; they just want to fit in, not provoking any (either negative or positive) feelings.

Avoiding opportunities that can result in achieving your best involves preventing yourself from what you really want. You are procrastinating, doubting your abilities and destroying yourself in order not to succeed; you are stopping yourself from moving forward in life. Very often people, who are afraid of success, do succeed, however very slowly and they pay the price emotionally and mentally. Practicing self-loathing and self-sabotaging for years need plenty of time, patience and mindfulness to be turned to the reverse. Yet, it is possible to have a healthy relationship with success. First of all, accept your anxiety about achieving something great. It is okay to be nervous when facing new challenges. Second, differentiate between the very similar bodily responses to stress and excitement. Finally, apply mindfulness (e.g. meditation, journaling, etc.) regularly and practice self-love.

Sources:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/

http://money.cnn.com/ (Fortune Magazine, July 8, 1996)

Negative Push VS Positive Pull

I promised to introduce you to Caroline Zwick’s simple but effective method, the so called “Positive Pull”. Since I discovered that I have this tool (similarly to you) my life has started to change radically. It happened to me many times in my life that after a certain failure I was not able to overcome my negative feelings resulting from experiencing disappointment, self-doubt and dissatisfaction. I created thick walls out of my negative feelings and self- destructive thoughts, and closed myself into a small cabin of harmful spirits. Then, it took me for a good while to realize that all the beautiful things are waiting for me outside. I needed lots of willpower to remove the walls and get rid of the bad feelings that paralyzed me.

One day I found Caroline’s website and signed up to get the free handout about the Positive Pull. According to her, each and every one of us has this tool; we are just very likely to ignore our ability to create our own happiness. Due to the stressful modern lifestyle most of us are trying to escape from something, i. e. we are pushed by our negative feelings, we put ourselves under pressure. Let's examine my case: I was not happy with my job; I did not feel appreciated or useful and wanted some change and challenge. I started to work on my CV and look for a job. I was very enthusiastic, however had many bad feelings about my job at that time and doubted my abilities constantly. I put out lots of negative energy into the world and for this reason you can guess what did I get back? Awful experiences, plenty of unsuccessful job interviews, panic, sadness, depression… I wanted to change my job and my lifestyle but did not take the right decisions until I learned about the Positive Pull.

image: Pinterest

As soon as I started to think about the questions that you can find in Caroline’s free handout, I realized that instead of focusing on what I don’t like and want to avoid in my life, I should envision what I really want. I started to do mindful practices regularly and concentrated on things that I liked and wanted to attract. Slowly-slowly, my life has changed simply by imagining my happy and confident self. I rememebered what made me really happy in the past and started to practice creative writing, regular exercising, did more reading; I went to museums and parks and discovered the world around me. I just took a deep breath, started to think about what I like and ACTED accordingly. It sounds so simple but I know how hard it is when you are in a difficult situation and don’t see the wood for the trees.

I can strongly recommend you to sign up and get the free guide. As soon as you start thinking about the answers for the questions in the exercise sheet, you will see how easily and quickly you can change your way of thinking about your life and yourself. Once you create the Positive Pull, you will keep using it all the time. It is simple, easy and free.