Finding your Way in the Labyrinth of Life

Paul Dolan defines happiness as 

"experiences of pleasure and purpose over the time".

The keywords of Prof. Happy’s definition are experiences and time as he advises to pay attention to living in the moment; i.e. instead of evaluating or comparing our lives to someone else’s or to our own expectations about it, just focus on finding the balance between pleasure and purpose in the present.

Apart from pleasure and purpose, you will encounter other emotions as well, such as pointlessness or pain – says Dolan. Negative feelings are also part of the big picture; so be ready and accept your unpleasant sentiments, as you experience these for a reason. Very often, negative emotions prepare you for something or make you avoid dangerous situations. However, be aware of the difference between necessary negative feelings (e.g. anger) or unnecessary ones, like self-doubt or limiting beliefs about yourself.

To be truly happy, you need to clear your mind, with regular physical exercise, mediation and practicing mindfulness every day.

image:Pinterest

Then, you must stop having expectations about your own happiness. Instead, just live in the moment and accept that life is not black and white. Start living the grey lifestyle; accept your failures and do not regret anything; finally dare to risk and challenge yourself often. You might fail but by focusing on having a good balance of pleasure and purpose in the moment, you will always be able to follow your true passion and be as happy as you should be.

If you need some more guidance in finding more happiness and exploring yourself and your dream-life, check out Caroline Zwick’s blog. She is another amazing expert on mindfulness and self-fulfillment. Her articles and videos have had a really beneficial effect on my transformation into the person who I really am. 

I have just started to discover my true passion in the last couple of years and I would like to share some of the "secrets" that I explored recently; to be as happy as possible, the following are really important:

• Knowing who you really are and what you want in your life
• Setting intentions
• Being positive
• Appreciation and Gratitude
• Living in the moment
• Being courageous; daring to risk and fail
• Trying new things often (especially things that you do not want to do at all)
• Balance between pleasure and purpose 

What would you read about in the next posts? Please share your suggestions in the comments below!

Finding your Rhythm

It happened many times in my life that I really struggled with making choices and my things were not quiet right at all. I strongly felt that I needed to change but didn't know what and how to start at all. What is more, whenever I arrived to a major crossroad, and actually had to decide about something , I became confused, started to panic and worried about the consequences of making “wrong” decisions. I already envisioned myself living an unsuccessful life, suffering, making mistakes and failing continuously, thus I really did all of these. Due to my ego, my heart and head was filled up with fears and negative feelings and I just became my own worst enemy. I did not know that I can control my thoughts and am able to choose not to listen to those vicious voices in my head.

It was not until three years ago when my approach to life changed dramatically; I slowly started a kind of awakening that is still in progress. Today, I still have lots of questions and am confused many times but the difference is that I know where to look for the answers. I really enjoy this whole process of creating myself. Finally, I managed to accept my weaknesses but turned to developing my strengths. I already know that I can make better choices by listening to my calling instead of my ego. By simply loving your life with all its positive aspects and downsides you can also start this beautiful journey to find your rhythm, your true self.

First of all, you better drop everything that you feel to be superfluous or unnecessary in your life. I mean literally everything that you think it does not belong to you anymore. Clothes or accessories and any other objects in your home, which do not reflect your personality and might disconnect you from your real self. You might want to change your hairstyle or try wearing completely different kinds of clothes or make-up, something that mirrors who you really are. In my case, one major event that helped me to approach my true self was when I stopped dying my hair. The decision not to be blond anymore was due to an “incidental” fact that I temporarily became allergic to most cosmetic ingredients, so I did not even have any other choice; I had to let my hair grow and wear my natural color after a while. Interestingly, I realized that this color suits me well and does not look as awful at all as I believed it 10 years ago. Apart from things, you might want to say good bye to people who do not really add anything positive to your life. You definitely do not need toxic friends and energy vampires around you. Without friends that are not true to you, you will have to make less effort in order to find your happy self.

image: Pinterest

After you get rid of all the people and things that keep you behind, you can start focusing on doing things that you really enjoy. Now that you threw away all the unwanted objects and stopped seeing the vampires sucking your energy, you have enough space in your home and life to focus on your calling. Try to make some quiet time regularly so that you can listen to yourself. Do things that you love and shortly your questions will be answered. You will simply start making better choices by focusing on seeing who you are and what you really like. Crossroads and decisions will not be major threats in your life any more. You will also understand that you can ignore your ego’s nasty and critical messages and you will learn to turn the volume up when you hear positive and happy thoughts. Brilliant ideas will come and being in the flow will naturally involve moving you forward in discovering yourself. Slowing down and spending time alone does not mean that you are becoming antisocial. Simply, there is too much noise around us and in order to be connected with our rhythm, we need to have some silence from time to time. While you are becoming the person who you really are, you are going to attract likeminded people whose presence and company will fill you up with healthy and positive energy. What else would you need?

Similarly to working out, in case of mindful exercising, you will need to be patient and hardworking. After questioning your abilities, practicing self-doubt and being your own enemy on a daily basis for many-many years, results and positive changes will not come after doing a little meditation or some journaling once or twice. You will have to change your lifestyle, slowly incorporating your calling’s messages into your reality. Make one small and easy step every day to finally create yourself. After solitude and focusing to your inner side becomes a habit, you will notice the changes happening in your life every day.  You will clearly know what your calling is and will automatically go for “MUST”instead of “SHOULD”. Should is all about fears, worries and negative feelings or thoughts; it just keeps you behind. By going for “MUST” you listen to your heart, to the good voices inside your head and do automatically what is best for you.

The spiritual journey of discovering yourself possibly will last until the end of your life, so you better make sure that you enjoy this challenging but wonderful process. Focus on the big picture and get rid of all the fears, worries and unnecessary details that make you stuck in a life that does not belong to you. Surround yourself with positive, supporting and likeminded people but spend some time alone with your thoughts to be able to hear your calling. Finally, choose “must” over “should” in order to feel the rhythm of the person who you really are. Why would you live your life off-track if by doing some extra work you could become your happy and healthy TRUE self? 

The Four Secrets of Living a Balanced and Beautiful Life

Few months ago on a cold and chilly day in December I was having my morning coffee, browsing on the internet and thinking about my life. That time, I was not happy at all: I did not like my job; I felt useless and thought that no one appreciated me or my efforts. I did not have much free time, however I spent my days off solely with things I had to do but did not enjoy the least, such as grocery shopping, cleaning and doing other household chores. I felt guilty and missed my “previous life” when I felt good, was able to find the time for exercising my creative skills, doing regular workout and meeting friends who really inspired me. 

After I moved to a new country and faced some challenges and unexpected difficulties, I started to lose my interest in my own passions. I felt isolated and simply being stuck into a life that was not exactly the one that I could relate to myself at all. I made a list of things that I was not happy with that time and another one including everything that I am grateful for, my small and big successes from the present and the past. I only needed two slips of paper and a pen. Yet, the mental work that I did became the base of my motivation to finally initiate some serious changes in my lifestyle. I would really recommend doing a little self-analysis to anyone who feels that things are not going quite right in their career and/or private lives. Although recognizing that you need to change is only the first step of a long, exhausting and risky journey, it is the main and most powerful trigger that will keep you going through the process.I made a list of things that I was not happy with that time and another one including everything that I am grateful for, my small and big successes from the present and the past. I only needed two slips of paper and a pen. Yet, the mental work that I did became the base of my motivation to finally initiate some serious changes in my lifestyle. I would really recommend doing a little self-analysis to anyone who feels that things are not going quite right in their career and/or private lives. Although recognizing that you need to change is only the first step of a long, exhausting and risky journey, it is the main and most powerful trigger that will keep you going through the process.

Now, I would like to share the Four Secrets that I encountered at the beginning of my journey towards discovering my real passions:

Experimenting

Regardless what changes you want to invite into your life, you will take risks and decisions that might result in failure. As soon as you step outside of your comfort-zone, you will feel vulnerable and think that “everyone else is doing better than you”. Either you enroll yourself to a course in photography or take up yoga; you will be a beginner in the first times. Starting a change involves making mistakes of which most of us feel ashamed and humiliated. Remember that if you are afraid of adventures and do not dare to experiment, you will never find your true passion, thus you will never experience real happiness and could not live a wholesome life.

Asking for Help

Everyone has been a beginner many-many times in their lives and they always will be from time-to time. No one thinks that it is ridiculous that you cannot do 60 minutes hardcore workout every day or that you should feel ashamed for not knowing how to take a good picture. Others with more experience have good intentions and are happy to give support for those in need. Believing in yourself is the most important thing regarding your happiness but trust in others is also essential. Instead of isolating yourself into perfectionism and self-pride, be social and brave enough to ask for help. Do not feel ashamed of your temporary incompetence or limited results! As your yoga-pals or the other members of the photo-class were once beginners as well, they still remember the challenges of the early days and are looking forward to help you. Accept your limitations but aim for improvement! If you feel overwhelmed, do not be afraid to talk about your problems and turn to other people; they are ready to support you.

picture: Pinterest

Dare to Fail!

While discovering your special talents and developing your skills, it is inevitable to make mistakes or take decisions that sometimes lead to unfavorable outcomes. Accept your failures and be objective! See, analyze and learn from your faults but do not waste too much time with self-doubt and feeling guilty because of having said something wrong, eaten something sugary or skipping your exercise. There are no good or bad decisions, things are not black or white in life. Taking risks might feel unpleasant from time to time but you will not be able to succeed without acknowledging both your failures and successes.

Be Adaptable!

Lifestyle change not only requires planning and organization, but patience and flexibility as well. It is essential to have a strategy in order to convert your old, harmful habits into beneficial ones, but from time-to-time you might need to revise your plan. As you and your general circumstances change, you will have different aims or expectations. If you realize that training in a gym makes you feel uncomfortable, try exercising at home or in the park. As soon as the 15-minutes exercise proves to be to easy for you, do 30 minutes workout every other day! Similarly, if you do not enjoy the journalism course, because you don’t like to read aloud your articles in public, then start a blog and practice writing on your own in the comfort of your home. Whatever new habit you try to employ, make sure that you enjoy the process and be adaptable; planning and organisaton is good but you might want to stop for a minute sometimes and see the results.  Ask yourself how do you really feel and add new or remove undesirable elements. The main thing is to feel good!

Journaling, self-analysis, researching about topics that you are interested in, regular exercising and mental workout can all guide you in the way to find your passion. Since I have been practicing all the above, I have become more familiar with my strengths, skills and talents and managed to invite positive changes in my life. I am simply happier and feel more confident. I found a job where I feel useful and appreciated and spend my free time with things that I really enjoy doing. 

Thanks to the Four Secrets, I have a healthy approach to difficulties in my life and feel being totally in charge for my own happiness.

Why you do not Have to Fight Insecurity?

Insecurity is a natural human feeling and is there in everyone in order to protect us from REAL danger. Danger is real when your life is literally threatened by someone or something. For example, you are in the street in the middle of the night and have a feeling that someone is chasing you. Suddenly, you become worried and try to figure out what to do. Your heartbeat and breath starts quickening and you speed up your steps as much as you can, in order to save your own life. You can experience very similar bodily responses and worrying thoughts in case of a difficult exam, e.g.: you don’t feel very confident because you think that you have not prepared properly and are afraid of unexpected questions and not being able to pass the test. You also have some bad memories of other exams in the past that you failed. As a consequence, you are getting more and more anxious, nervous and feel very insecure. Simply, you do not believe in your ability to succeed. In this case, it is obvious that your life is safe, yet some nasty psychological barriers are blocking the free flow of your positive thoughts. You doubt your skills and strongly believe that you will fail. Thus, you will.

It is not surprising that with your negative thoughts you invite negative results, is it? Due to your false beliefs, you already see yourself not passing the exam. However, envisioning the positive outcome of some future events can result in your success! Instead of doubting your skills, why do not you support yourself? Good news is that with some preparation and practice you can easily handle any stressful situation without feeling insecure and your success is guaranteed.

You only need to do ONE thing: PLAN!

picture: Pinterest

Let’s continue the example of the difficult exam: you already know the date of the exam well in advance, so you know how much time you have got to study. Prioritize your chores and make a plan! Divide the course material into various segments and decide how much time you would need daily in order to acquire all the knowledge necessary for succeeding. You can also add some other activities to your daily routine, such as making and having some healthy and nutritious food and doing some workout and/or meditation as a reward for doing your job well. Celebrate a little bit after having fulfilled a certain part of your lessons. Also, make sure that you start studying when your motivation is high. Starting with small and easy steps can be really beneficial. Similarly, if your study-amounts are not overwhelming and can be easily learned during the time-periods that you set up for yourself, your success is sure. Just make a detailed plan including everything that is important in your life.

So, you already have a study-plan, a strategy. In your breaks you do some other activities (exercising, meditation) just to clear up your mind. What else would you need?

Think positively and believe in your success while planning already!

Believing in yourself is not as easy as it sounds and similarly to the exam, it requires preparation. As most of us have been practicing negative thinking, such as self-doubt for many-many years, it will take time to change your worrying thoughts to supporting ones. However, thanks to your plan and preparation, soon insecurity will simply fade away; so you don’t even have to fight against it! Accept your present insecurity but set up a strategy to change your way of thinking. Focus on your talents and strengths and remember that just because you failed an exam last time, you can pass another one this time, as now you are well-prepared.

With the help of positive thinking, preparation and practice you do not have to spend time and energy with fighting your fears or trying to beat insecurity. Setting up small, realistic goals, along with your individual strategy will surely result in success. All you need to do is changing your thinking habits. Prepare and believe in the positive outcomes of your actions. There is no real danger, no negative thoughts, thus, there is no insecurity! It is so easy with planning and gradual preparation. You do not have to fight. Just discover and accept your skills and make your unique, individual plan in order to realize what you are dreaming about.

What is the Reason Behind your Failures and Unsuccessful Efforts?

Referring to the previous post, I would like to encourage you to check out Maria Brilaki’s website and watch her video about the power of your thoughts, especially your inner dialogue’s effect on your achievements.

You might have experienced in your life either getting wrong or just few results or not getting results at all. I guess that you have. I honestly have never ever met anyone who has not made any mistakes or wrong decisions in their lives. Although it is really difficult to be objective with yourself when you are in the middle of a crisis, it could be extremely helpful if you tried to support yourself and change the way how you think about your (under)achievements. In the video, Maria suggests to analyze your inner dialogue preceding your decision to take certain actions that lead to failure afterwards.

“If you get bad results, it is because you did not believe in the first place that you can get good results”- says Maria.

If you are practicing self-doubt and are questioning your own success, you waste lots of energy and are not fully focused and committed to achieving your goals. If you change your way of thinking and truly believe that you can get what you want, you are more likely to develop and succeed in the end. This is because you are triggered by the so called “PositivePull”, namely you are not escaping from something negative that you want to avoid; it is exactly the opposite: you are motivated by your self-supporting, positive attitude towards yourself and others. Whenever you enter this circle of your own positive thoughts, you are in the flow and wonderful things will happen!

photo: Pinterest

Before you decide to change or do something, you need to be confident and committed; you need to believe that your actions will lead to success. If you want to live a healthier life, for example, you decide to exercise regularly and eat fresh, healthy and clean food. It sounds so simple, however so many of us have been yo-yoing and giving up diets and sports after a while. The reason why you have not been able to keep doing what you decided to do is that you did not believe that you would be able not to give up your dreams. If you are really focused before you start taking any actions, you are not second-guessing yourself. You are 100% committed to and positive about getting what you want. It can be a healthier and better-looking body or your dream job. If you are insecure and do not believe that you can get a certain job, you are more likely to fail in the interview; simply because you had negative thoughts about yourself and were convinced that you are not qualified or suitable for that position. Maria’s message in this video is the following: 

“You need to believe that you can achieve anything but you need to believe it BEFORE you get it.”

Soon, I am going to introduce you to Caroline Zwick’s really effective method and we will learn how to practice the Positive Pull. 

Why Motivation is not the Key to Success?

Today, I would like to show you an amazing video that I watched recently and it really affected me to the core. Have you ever felt that you just need more motivation or willpower to finally start something new in your life? Personally, I have been blaming myself a lot because I have not really lived the life that I wanted and I have been planning to change this for so long. However, even if I had taken few steps in order to achieve something, I only got limited results or no results at all. Until I watched the video, I thought that the main reason behind my recent failures and lack of success is that I am weak, lazy and not motivated and qualified enough.

As I am a jobseeker at the moment and have faced lots of stressful and unsuccessful job-interviews in the last month, I have had a feeling that I need to change something in order to get the job that I really want. In the video below, one of my favourite life-coaches, Caroline Zwick interviews her friend, Maria Brilaki, who is an engineer, entrepreneur, psychologist, head of the “Fitness Reloaded” project and author of a wonderful book called Surprisingly Unstuck.  Maria talks about habit-creation and the role of motivation and willpower in achieving your goals. You will be surprised to hear Maria saying that motivation actually has almost nothing to do with your success or failure. 

It was a relief to understand that motivation is basically only a tool for finding your inspiration. When you want to change something in your life or want to start something new, in the beginning you are always very enthusiastic and energetic. Due to the high level of motivation you truly believe in yourself and your success. However, as most of us might have experienced in case of New Year’s Resolutions, for example, motivation can easily drop or disappear completely. The reason for this is simple: your level of motivation decreases right after it made you kick-start your new habits.

picture: Fengshuidana

Habits are part of our everyday life, as well as making decisions that is actually a kind of thinking habit. In one of the up-coming posts, I will tell you more about thinking habits, such as the power of thoughts, positive thinking and self-fulfilling prophecies. But now, let’s see why do we create habits at all and what are they for? How can we establish a new habit and why do we struggle to keep on dieting or exercising regularly? If you are interested in these questions and also want to know what planning and organisation has to do with success, click here to watch the video.